PubMed · 12197066
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Marvin Krims. 2002. Misreading Cressida.. https://doi.org/10.1521/prev.89.2.239.19920
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Three experiments examined how needs for acceptance might constrain low versus high self-esteem people's capacity to protect their relationships in the face of difficulties. The authors led participants to believe that their partner perceived a problem in their relationship. They then measured perceptions of the partner's acceptance, partner enhancement, and closeness. Low but not high self-esteem participants read too much into problems, seeing them as a sign that their partner's affections and commitment might be waning. They then derogated their partner and reduced closeness. Being less sensitive to rejection, however, high self-esteem participants affirmed their partner in the face of threat. Ironically, chronic needs for acceptance may result in low self-esteem people seeing signs of rejection where none exist, needlessly weakening attachments.
Although a number of studies have explored perceived sex differences in romantic attraction effectiveness, no research has systematically examined whether different rating contexts might moderate effectiveness judgments. In a meta-analytic review of romantic attraction research, four potential moderating variables were examined: temporal context (unspecified, long-term, short-term), manipulation form (self-promotion, competitor derogation), attraction type (general, retention, poaching), and sex of rater (mixed, same, opposite). Although perceived sex differences in physical appearance and resource-related tactics remained stable across most moderating variables, sex differences did vary across some rating contexts. For example, perceptions of sex differences in the effectiveness of appearance-related attraction tactics were much stronger in the context of self-promotion (d = -.77) compared with the competitor derogation context (d = -.17). Resource-related tactics of attraction displayed the opposite pattern, with significantly larger perceived sex differences in the context of competitor derogation (d =.93) than in self-promotion (d =.68). Discussion focused on the implications of sex difference variability and stability across rating contexts for evolutionary theories of romantic attraction.
The authors argue that people are happiest in their relationships when they believe they have found a kindred spirit, someone who understands them and shares their experiences. As reality may not always be that accommodating, however, intimates may find this sense of confidence by egocentrically assuming that their partners are mirrors of themselves. Both members of dating and married couples completed measures of satisfaction and felt understanding. They also described their own and their partners' traits, values, and day-to-day feelings. The results revealed that people in satisfying and stable relationships assimilated their partners to themselves, perceiving similarities that were not evident in reality. Such egocentrism predicted greater feelings of being understood, and feeling understood mediated the link between egocentrism and satisfaction in marriage.